Sideways
by twilighter1017
Summary: Bella never went cliff diving. Alice never had a vision. He never came back. 3 years later, Bella is in college with a drinking problem. What happens she sees him again?
1. prologue

When you lose someone you love you eventually move on.

You learn to function. You learn to live.

Your life goes on.

But the pain doesn't go away.

You never forget.

You never fully heal.


	2. Meet the new Bella

**So i decided to put the original 2nd and 3rd chapters together but i'm still editing so i'll probably change it again. I want to get my first Fanfic perfect. Bella and Edward belong to Stephanie.**

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><p>Deep breath.<p>

Breathe in.

It was just your imagination.

Breathe out.

He's not really there.

Breathe in.

You're just seeing things.

Breathe out.

I hate having to do this. I'd love to say that this breathing thing is stupid but it was my idea. It was my way of telling myself that Edward isn't there. That I'm not really seeing him.

And it kills me to do it.

I know what you're thinking, what the heck is she talking about? She must be crazy!

But you can think what you want because I know that you're method wouldn't be any better.

Not if you're soul mate had left you behind because of one incident and a few fears.

I might be crazy but damn. At least I'm trying to live my life now instead of acting like a freaking corpse. I say now because I did do that the first few months after he left. I was a damn train wreck!

Since then, I've come to terms with the fact that he's never coming back. I opted on a change of scenery for college. Figured it would give me a chance to leave my demons behind and actually have a chance to be myself again. So I moved to California and started attending Stanford.

I was right for a while. I was doing good. I actually made friends and it was amazing that they didn't judge me and write me off as crazy. They actually took the time to understand my problems. Well minus the vampire part. But the really got through to me and helped me deal a little better.

Did I mention that I was actually getting better for a while?

I stopped seeing him and I didn't have any dreams about him until Halloween. Damn vampire costumes brought him back to the center of my attention. Then the depression set in again.

Becca and Morgan got me to go see a professional. Said it would give me closure. Chick just gave me a prescription for some stupid pills. I saw her that once and never went back. Sure did give Bex and Morgan a piece of my mind about making me go though.

The pills didn't work and the "sightings" kept getting worse and worse.

I flipped when I heard him talking to me though.

At some point I stopped eating unless Morgan, or Bex made me. At least I didn't have to worry about the freshman 15.

I didn't go home for any holidays that year and I stayed at school over the summer because I didn't think Forks would help the situation.

The depression got so bad that on July 4th I saw him at the fireworks and I had a panic attack. I went home and that night I decided to commit suicide. If Morgan hadn't come back she would have found me dead hanging from the ceiling fan.

From then on they never left me alone.

On my 21st birthday, Becca and Morgan took me out and I had my first drink. I realized that when I drank he went away.

So I decided that whenever I saw him I would drink away my sorrows.

That's how i got here.

I'm here because it's where I go to escape my own thoughts.

It's my special buddy and it's called the Bat Bar.

Bat Bar. Ironic right? Ironic that I go to a bar that is named after an animal associated closely with vampires. Ironic that it's where I go to forget my vampire ex-boyfriend.

Told you I was crazy.

I'm still doing my deep breathing exercise as I walk into the bar. Why did I have to see him at a coffee shop today? I haven't seen since last Thursday and there he was. At a random coffee shop. on a Tuesday afternoon. It took me by complete surprise because I've never imagined him in a coffee shop before. To ordinary for him.

Walking into the bar I check my watch. 5:00 pm on the nose.

Figure I have about until 7 when Becca gets out of class until Morgan and her start to look for me. Better get my drink on while I can.

I laugh at myself a little bit as I think about the last time I didn't tell them I was at the bar. The look on their faces as they dragged my dead wait back to the dorms was hilarious. Somewhere in between laughing at them I threw up and I guess I passed out because I don't remember anything after that. At least I didn't think about _him_ for a few days after wards.

I walk up to the bar and ask for a martini. Why not start slow today?

I'm deeply absorbed in my thoughts when I hear the chair beside me pull back and someone sits down.

"Hello, Bella" the stranger says to me.

I was immediately brought out of my thoughts because not only did the person know my name but that voice sounded too good to be true.

I know that voice all too well.

I turn and look at the stranger and I have to do a double take.

You're kidding me right?

"Damn! It never ends does it?"


	3. Double Vodka shots

**Bella and Edward belong to Stephanie.**

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><p>"Damn! It never ends does it?"<p>

Of course. My stupid subconscious didn't get enough of him at the coffee shop. He had to come here too.

"Excuse me?" Edward says with a quizzical look on his face.

I scoffed in reply and downed the rest of my martini.

I turned back to look at him and was caught off guard. He looks a lot more real than I usually imagine him. I can never get his eyes right and the scent is always off.

"Wow. I really out did myself this time." I say to myself.

His facial expression gets even more confused. "I'm sorry, what?"

Please. Like he didn't hear me.

"Nothing, you're just a lot more real than usual. I usually never get your eyes right."

"Okay, I'm officially lost." He says and flashes my favorite crooked smile. But it doesn't touch his eyes.

"Me too." I whisper to myself.

"So how have you been Bella?" He asks changing the subject.

The scoff that came out this time was involuntary.

I can't believe this! Why is my subconscious being so cruel? I mean seriously!

But then again, what the hell? Why not humor myself.

But I am gonna need some alcohol for this. Better make it strong.

"Excuse me, bartender. Can I have two shots of straight vodka please?"

The bartender turns around and this time actually looking I don't notice him. Must be new. I also notice that he's not that bad looking. He's got green eyes and long bronze hair, nicely defined muscles. And is that a tattoo on his arm?

_Bella Vita _

I'm still looking at the tattoo as he pours my two shots in front of me and leans on the table.

"Here you are beautiful." I look up at him to see he's smiling as I down the first two.

"Keep 'em comin, please." I reply with no facial expression.

"Sure but only if the first 3 are on me."

So he's flirting. I look over at Edward who is still looking at me.

Probably surprised about my drinking.

I turn back to the bartender.

"Sure."

He pours me two more and I turn back to Edward after downing one shot.

"I see you've picked up some new habits." He says with the look of complete disapproval.

"So where were we?" I ask not wanting to argue about it with my imaginary Edward.

"You were telling me how you've been."

I stop to think about it for a minute while I down the next shot. Where do I start?

"Well, let's see." I can hear my words already beginning to slur. Damn. These work fast! "After you left I was really depressed. I don't even think that's the right word."

The bartender comes back with another shot and I down it immediately. Edward tells him not to bring me anymore but I just tell him to bring me martinis from now on.

"So yea, I was 'depressed' for a long time. Really long." I giggle a little bit when I think about how my friends stopped talking to me.

"Then I started to get better. And I graduated and I said hey. How about I get out of this stupid town?" I start to sip on my martini.

"So I decided to come here. Change of scenery you know. And I made friends and everything was great. All good." More giggles. "For a while the sun actually took my mind off of you."

The giggles were hysterical then.

"And then you came back." The look on his face made the giggles unbelievably worse. He actually looked worried.

"Up here I mean." I said through giggles as I pointed to my head. That didn't help the worried look.

"Bella, you need to stop drinking. It's not healthy for you to drink this much at once." He says reaching for my martini slowly. I yank it back before he can get it spilling a little bit.

"Look what you did! And why do you care anyway?" He looked away before I saw any emotion on his face.

I finished my martini and the bartender brought me another one.

"Anyways. It got really bad. So bad that I didn't go back for any holidays freshman year. And…..wait for it….." I did a really bad, off beat drumroll.

The look on his face was a mix of concern and confusion.

I drummed on the counter for a few more seconds before I looked into his eyes. My subconscious really went all out for this one.

The giggles started again as soon as I looked at him.

"And the, on the 4th of July before sophomore year I went home alone. I tried to hang myself."

The look on his face was pure outrage.

"YOU WHAT?" he yelled. Something attracted a few people in this direction but I know it wasn't his yelling because he's not really here.

"I tried to kill myself." I say in a DUH tone like the answer was obvious.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?" More stares from patrons.

"Figured it'd put an end to my misery. WHY do you even care?"

The look on his face was one of genuine hurt.

"Put the damn drink down Bella."

"NO."

"Put it down or I'll take it from you!"

"Bottoms up!" I down the whole glass out of spite and blow my breath in his face.

I'm beginning to look around to see what everyone's staring at when the bartender walks back over.

"I'm sorry sir. Is there a problem?"

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! My heart skipped a beat.

He can't be talking to Edward.

There's no freaking way!

And then Edward replied.

OH. MY. GOD.

He's talking to Edward.

Edward the vampire.

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

Which means he is actually here.

No. Freaking. Way.

He's actually here.

"No. No problem. I was just about to take her home. Sorry for the disturbance." He says.

I'm so stunned that I can't breathe.

And I pass out.

**A/N: I will post a new chapter as soon as i come up with it. Any suggestions? I'd love to hear what you think will happen next. And thank you to all of you who have added me to favorites and alerts. **


	4. Sleeping not so tight

**Chapter belongs almost completely to Stephanie**

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><p>"<em>Bella, we're leaving."<em>

"_I mean my family and myself."_

"_You're not good for me Bella."_

_Not good enough for you._

"_I don't want you to come."_

"_You don't want me?"_

"_No."_

"_Don't do this. Please, don't do this."_

"_Goodbye Bella."_

The same dream I have had almost every night since that October.

And every time the same words stick with me all day.

_I'm not good enough._

_He doesn't want me._

Every time I wake up crying and screaming.

But not today.

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><p><strong>AN: Short chapter I know. I was going to wait until i had chapter 5 done too but it didn't make sense to wait. All of the italics are excerpts from New Moon.**

**PS: Anyone wanna be my beta? Will update the next chapter as soon as i get one.**


	5. Hangover

**A/N: I'm BAAAAAAACK! Missed my story while i was gone and i hope you did too. Still want to hear your thoughts on the story. So REVIEW pls.(Thx to Mr. Fanfiction for being the first and thx to those who have me on favorite or alert!)**

**SM owns Twilight**

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><p>There is an unbelievable pounding in my head right now.<p>

"Bella. Bella are you up?"

"No." I groan.

"Then why are you talking?" I hear Becca laugh quietly.

"I'm never drinking again." My voice cracks.

"That's what you always say, Bell."

"I mean it this time. Now leave me alone." I try to shoo her away but my arm won't move. It feels like it's filled with lead.

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving" she says like she has her hands up. I hear her footsteps retreating but the suddenly stop. "But I have some questions for you when you get up."

"What questions?"

"Just wait till you get up." Her footsteps walk out of the room and into the living room.

Great. Questions. Wonder what they'll be about this time.

You see, I know she means well. But Becca has a way of getting all in your business. She kind of reminds of Jessica Stanley sometimes. But there is a BIG difference.

Becca actually wants to hear the answers from me and get my opinion without inserting her own.

Unlike Jessica, her number one priority is helping me. NOT getting the latest gossip.

That's why I love her.

Now Morgan, she's a whole different story. She's rather quiet and doesn't say much but you can bet when she does it will be something to make you think.

There was a period of time sophomore year when I had an obsession with smoothies. So I would buy fresh fruit and frozen fruit then get mad when the fresh fruit spoiled. After hearing my loud cussing she came in asked what was wrong. I told her about the fruit spoiling and she looked at me as if I was missing some obvious fact. She shook her head and said simply "Why don't you just stop buying frozen fruit and freeze the fresh fruit?"

I had to laugh at how obvious that was.

But that's my Morgan. Always knowing the obvious solution that no one else thought of.

I was just brushing my teeth when Morgan walked into the bathroom. She was in her pajamas and her light brown hair in a messy top knot.

"Hey Morgan" I said as I was rinsing my mouth.

She gave a simple wave before she grabbed her pouch with her hair products in it and walked back to her room.

I laughed to myself as her silence reminded me of the first time I met her. She was among the 3 other girls assigned to our suite. We spent the first day and most of the night unpacking and getting to know each other. As we were selling our souls to each other Morgan just sat, watched and listened. I thought she was a mute because she didn't say anything until the next morning.

I'll never forget that the first thing I heard her say was, "Um. So I want you guys to know that it's nothing against any of you, but until I get to know you I would prefer you not ask me questions about my past." I pulled her to the side a little while later and asked her why and she simply replied, "Because one of you could be an ax murder or a psycho. Didn't you see that movie the roommate?" I had to laugh at the part about the movie.

It wasn't until a week later that she actually told us about herself. But she did make me think about spilling my guts to the next friend I made.

After I finished getting ready I walked into the main room and sst at my desk. I laid my head down on my arms covering my eyes to keep the light out.

"Valerie never came home last night so she's probably with her boyfriend or something." Becca said as she moved my books out of the way and set a cup of coffee in front of me.

"Is that supposed to surprise me?" I said lifting my head.

Valerie was our other suitemate. She could be really obnoxious sometimes but we don't really have to deal with it most of the time. She's hardly ever home.

She spends most of her time partying or staying over with her boyfriend. If she's not doing that she's in the library doing homework and sleeping. I will never understand how she has one of the highest GPA's of our class.

Morgan walked into the main room still in her pajamas. She went to the mini-fridge and grabbed a yogurt and a spoon. She sat down on the couch and began to eat while she looked at me.

Becca turned my chair around and sat on the couch next to Morgan. Her and Morgan exchanged a look and then she turned to me.

"Bella, we need to talk."

Brace myself.

"Bells, you know we care about you," Becca began.

"We love you," Morgan chimed in.

Becca continued, "We're worried about you. We've known you for two and a half years and the whole time we've known that you went through something that devastated you. We know that it still to this day affects every choice you make. We listened to you and we understood how you felt."

"But Bella you don't deal well" Morgan said looking down like it pained her to say it.

So that's where they were going with this. A small part of my mind went back to the same conversation I'd had with Charlie 3 years ago. He had the same concerned tone of voice I hear in both of them now.

If they suggest I see a psychiatrist I'll lose it.

Becca continued bringing me out of my thoughts. "You scared us freshman year. Do you know how bad I felt when Morgan called me crying because she found you drunk about to hang yourself? You didn't even realize that you were drunk. She still has nightmares about it but she doesn't tell you. We watched you get better after that. You were more of the girl we met that first night in the dorm."

"And then you started drinking." Morgan looked up I saw the tears gathering in her eyes. I wanted so badly to go and comfort her but I stayed put. The urge to reach out to her increased as the tears spilled over but I kept my arms pressed tightly to my sides.

"Bella, you're drinking is out of hand. It's okay to do it once in a while but you do it almost every night. It's not healthy or beneficial to you." Becca said.

She paused and I waited to hear the point. I know what she's going to say. I don't want to hear it but I know it's coming. Morgan confirmed my suspicion.

"You need help" she said.

The entire time they were talking I had been silent but this was too much. No matter how much I expected it I was still pissed that they would suggest it.

"What you think I'm crazy? Is that it? Do you want to commit me to an institution?" I said curtly.

Becca's eyes widened as she looked at me with surprise. "No Bella. We would never think anything like that. We just think you need to cut down on your drinking. We think it would help if you went to AA meetings."

"We would never tell you that you need shrink or that you were crazy." Morgan said and from the look on her face I believed her. I know that they just care about me.

That didn't mean I was going down without a fight, because I was still pissed.

"Well, it's nice that you two care about me and I do for you too, but I'm not going to AA. I don't have a drinking problem so I don't need it." I got to my feet and walked to the door. I grabbed my keys as I was slipping on my Uggs-yes Uggs in California- and walked out of the door.

I knew that I had a drinking problem. Hell my whole life now revolved around my drinking. Why do you think all of my classes are in the afternoon?

12:00pm-Wake up with hangover.

12:30pm-Drink cup after cup of coffee.

1:00pm-Watch tv.

3:00pm-Go to afternoon classes.

7:00pm-Go to bat bar and drink.

2:00am-Come home wasted and pass out.

That was my life on loop now. Asher Roth's _I Love College_ describes my life almost perfectly. Except I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.

Something was nagging at me as i walked down the dorm hall. She never asked her questions. Something to look forward to when i got back.

Yip yip yipee!

I walked through the parking lot and got into my car. It was a chevy but not my favorite one.

My rusted, beat up, old chevy was now a still life tribute to classic chevy's on the curb by Charlie's house. I was devastated when it finally died on me but didn't give up on it until Jake told me there was nothing he could do. I was reluctant to get a new car but I had to have a way around while I was at school.

Don't get me wrong, I love my new car. But nothing compares to my faded red rust bucket.

Now I have a black '09 chevy Malibu. It might not be my rust bucket but it definitely has it's perks. GPS was a welcome change considering I still get lost a lot. It's also easier to stop, start, and turn.

As soon as I got in the car I turned it on and relaxed to the familiar purr of it. I hadn't even realized I was so tense. I was pulling out of the parking lot when I decided to blast my thoughts away with music.

Music was my new anti-anxiety medicine. I used to not listen to it after _he_ left because all the songs reminded me of him but now it helps me clear my head. If I concentrate on the lyrics my worries fly away in the wind.

But this was not one of those times.

The song that blasted out of the speakers only pissed me off more.

'_They tried to make me go to rehab but I said no, no, no.'_

Your freaking kidding me right?


	6. Cold Coffee

**AN: Thanks to my awesome beta Princess Moon Shadow. And thanks Tyra for helping me through my initial writers block.**

**SM owns everything.**

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><p>Amy Winehouse was still blasting out of my speakers as I pulled into the starbucks parking lot.<p>

I could sense how close I was to my delicious coffee. Nothing fancy. I'm not the type who takes longer to make my order than it does to make it. I just want it plain with sugar.

The stronger the coffee the shorter the hangover.

I was lucky the line was short considering the morning rush was over. I got in and out in under 15 minutes so here I am, sitting in the parking lot staring into space. I played with the stereo for a little while before I started going through my console. After I found my sunglasses I just sat there with them on drinking my coffee, once again staring off into space.

I didn't have anywhere to go because I never have any morning classes, I don't have a job, and I don't want to go back and face the music with Bex and Morgan. So I just sat there.

After a while I got bored so I picked up my phone and started scrolling through it. Not usual for me but hell, I'm really bored. I decided to call an old friend I hadn't talked to in a while. I dialed the number and waited as it rang once, twice, three times before I heard the voice on the other end.

That deep, gruff, woodsy voice that always made me happier. My personal sunshine.

Jacob.

"Hello." His voice was still heavy with sleep.

"Hey Jake, you awake?" I asked.

"Stupid question Bells. What's up with you?" he replied laughing.

I thought about it for a second. "Nothing. Just dealing with my crazy roommates who think i drink too much." I laughed at myself and how nonchalantly I said that.

I heard his hesitation on the other end of the line coughed and replied. "How often have you been drinking?"

"Just every now and then" I lied. He saw right through it even through a phone.

"Bells, be honest."

"Okay," I admitted. "I drink almost every night. But I only do it to escape my own head for a while."

He sighed. "Bella, you can't just drink to get rid of your problems."

"I know, Jake, I know."

"You could have just called me when you were stressed" he said. "Drinking sure wasn't gonna make it any better."

Great. Now I'm hearing it from both sides of the court. What's next the, bar owner gonna get on me?

"I don't need another lecture Jake. That's not what I called for." It came out a little more curtly than it was supposed to.

His voice calmed down. "Okay Bells. No lecture. What did you call about?"

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay then. Talk."

I hesitated deciding how to put my thoughts into words. I took a deep breath.

"I saw him."

"What?"

I took two deep breaths.

"I saw Edward." I said.

He let out another sigh. "Bella," he hesitated "I thought you were past this."

Why did I say anything? I should have known he would react like this. He thinks I'm crazy for sure. I remember when I told him the first time that I had been seeing him 3 years ago.

It was right after we went cliff diving and were sitting in my truck warming up. I told him about how I had been doing dangerous stuff just so I could see him. He believed me. At first. At some point I guess he got tired of it because whenever I brought it up he would change the subject. I stopped bringing it up and he noticed. He asked me if I had been seeing him lately and can you guess what I did?

I lied.

I told him that I stopped seeing him and that I was past that 'stage of grieving' as he put it. Ever since then I haven't said a word to him about….Edward.

This was a first in almost 3 years.

"He talked to me. We had a conversation."

"Bella, where you drinking when he talked to you?" he asked. His voice questioned my sanity.

I knew he wouldn't believe me.

"Yes, Jake, I was. But that doesn't make a difference because I really did see him. He was sitting right next to me."

He sighed yet again and I realized how annoying that was. "Bella, Bella, Bella..."

That's where I got pissed. Not only did he not believe me but now he was talking to me in a condescending tone like I was a child.

"You know what Jake? I called to talk to you and get some support. I don't need you treating me like a child so don't you dare 'Bella, Bella, Bella' me!" I took a deep breath to calm myself. I hadn't even realized that I was yelling. I guess he was surprised at my outburst because he sat in silence for a few seconds before he responded.

"Sorry Bells. It's just... I don't know. You've been doing so much better since you went to California. I don't want you to go back to how you were before."

Did I mention that I never told him about my near suicide? As a matter of fact the only people who know about it are Morgan and Bex. He thinks everything has been sunshine and daisies since I left Forks.

"Jake..." I said and sighed. Was sighing contagious? "I'm fine. I've never been better." I really hoped he didn't pick up on my lie.

Of course I wasn't fine. Last night I saw Edward for the first time since 3 days after my 18th birthday. I know I wasn't imagining it because the bartender wouldn't have talked to him unless he was there. Looking back I should have noticed but other people staring when he started yelling but at the time I just chalked it up to my imagination.

But can you blame me? He left me more than three years ago with nothing but nightmares and my previously mentioned sightings. Who in their right mind would really have believed he was there after that?

That's right. No one.

So whether or not Jake, or anyone for that matter, believed me, I know that I saw Edward last night. He sat with me and talked with me. He WAS there. That I am absolutely sure of.

When he spoke again I knew he was putting effort into sounding supportive. "So what did you talk about?" I could still hear the strain in his voice though.

I went on to tell him about the incidents of last night, leaving out the suicide attempt part. He listened quietly thought I knew he was dying to say something.

When I was finished I felt as though a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"So you're telling me that the leech just showed up, unexpected and tried to make small talk?" He asked. His tone told me that he still didn't believe me which pissed me off. Why would I lie about something like this?

"Yes Jake."

"Bella..." He sighed yet again.

That did it. That one little sound threw me over the edge.

"Jake. I already told you that I called you for support. I already know how crazy I sound but I actually thought you would believe me. I at least thought you would try. But since you don't then I guess I was wrong."

"Bella, I-"

"I'll talk to you later. Bye." I said hanging up the phone. I threw it on the passenger's side floor and folded my arms across my chest. At some point I decided I had been sitting there long enough so I turned on the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

I hadn't even realized where I was going until I was in front of the Bat bar. Apparently my subconscious had registered the fact cold coffee just wasn't cutting it. I needed something alot stronger.

I hesitated getting out of the car. I know I have class in an less than an hour and I know that after drinking I won't make it through a whole class. I also know that whenever I go home I'll have to deal with Bex and Morgan. Upon my realization that either way I would be dealing with some form of crap or another I decided, what the hell. Might as well deal with it happy-and currently my only happiness comes from the bottom of a bottle.

I got out of my car and walked into the bar. I was approaching my usual bar stool when I stopped dead in my tracks.

A lot of things where wrong with this picture.

I should be getting ready for my afternoon class. I should not be in a bar.

I should have gotten dressed before I left. I should not be standing here in pajama pants, a STANFORD sweatshirt and Uggs.

I should be drinking coffee and eating breakfast. I should not be planning to get tanked at 1 in the afternoon.

So many things wrong with this picture but the only thing that registered in my mind was the person sitting in my stool looking at me expectantly.

I was overwhelmed when she jumped up and enveloped me in a tight hug that I could barely speak.

I attempted to form a full sentence but only one word came out.

"Alice." I breathed.

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><p><strong>AN: Things are about to get busy. But between school, AP work and volleyball I will try my hardest to update at least once a week. Bear with me.<strong>

**Reviews motivate me so click that button and do it please. Thanks!**


	7. Pickup Lines

"_Alice." I breathed_

I was in complete shock that one of my favorite people was here with me. She's here, standing in the same bar that I come to so I can forget her brother. So I can forget _him_. Unbelievable.

"Bella! Oh my god I've missed you so much!" she exclaimed jumping up and down. "I missed shopping with you and dressing you up and putting makeup on you!" her voice was so high pitched it left my eardrums ringing.

"Alice," I repeated. I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. I opened my mouth to say something but shut it just as quickly. I must've looked like a stuttering fool.

She finally pulled back from the hug to look up at my face. She looked sad.

"Are you not happy that I'm here?" she asked with a pout.

"What?"

DUH. Are you freaking kidding me? The first full sentence I've said to her in three years and of course I sound like a complete dumbass. Typical Bella.

"You don't look happy that I'm here," she said while still in her pout face.

I shook my head and snapped back to reality.

"Of course I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be?" I smiled at her and she smiled back.

She pulled me into her cold, stone embrace again and laughed. When she pulled back she grabbed my hand and led me to the bar. I sat in my usual stool and she took the seat next to me. She said nothing as I looked at the bartender and ordered a margarita with a double vodka shot. I looked back to find her staring at me with a disapproving look. Even so, she said nothing.

We sat in silence until he came back with my drinks. He set them down in front of me and smiled. It was then that I noticed that he was the same bartender as last night.

"I believe I may have lost your number since last night," he winked.

My eyebrows raised involuntarily in surprise. I recomposed myself and drank my shot. "That would be because I never gave it to you."

"Well, that's a shame huh?" he began wiping down the bar in front of me.

"I don't see why." He was staring at me seductively but it only felt like he wanted to eat me. He suddenly ceased wiping.

"Because, if I don't have your number, how can I call and tell you what time our date is?"

I almost choked on my margarita. There is no way he's serious. I don't date. I've never even thought of anyone in that way but _him._

In my head multiple options play out. I could walk away right now with Alice. I could also sit here and see what happens.

I chose the latter simply because it sounded more fun. Bex was always saying that I should get out more.

I took a long sip that was half of my drink. I put on the most seductive face I could conjure and adjusted in my seat.

"Since when do we have a date?" I asked.

He leaned on the bar with his face inches from mine. I could smell cinnamon on his breath as it washed over my face.

"Since I just asked."

I looked down to avoid his hypnotic breath. "Chris" was handwritten on his nametag in a messy scrawl. I downed the rest of my drink in one sip. I looked back to him and was once again assaulted by his spicy breath.

"Well Chris, I must say. You make it hard to say no." I smiled at him and leaned back, detaching myself from the noxious fragrance.

I looked at him and motion towards my empty margarita glass which he filled it immediately. A man at the other end of the bar began to gripe about terrible service. "Chris" turned away with an annoyed look.

I was sipping my drink, Alice completely forgotten, when I heard her clear her throat. I turned to see her with an outraged look.

"What was that?" She hissed between clenched teeth.

I ignored her and tipped back the rest of my drink. After putting my money on the bar along with a tip I stood up and walked out.

I could hear Alice behind me calling my name but I didn't stop until I reached my car. I unlocked the door and sat in my driver's seat not even paying attention as she got in and sat in the passenger's seat. She sighed loudly causing me to look up. She was pouting. I didn't bother asking, but instead turned on the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

I didn't stop until I reached my favorite park.

* * *

><p>Palo Alto Bay was the best place I could find to get away from college life.<p>

It let me escape the madness that was college and have some peace to myself. My favorite spot overlooked the bay of tranquil water.

I preferred to sit and stare at the water while I drank my coffee. Sometimes I brought a book and read it. Sometimes I lay on a blanket or towel and make shapes in the clouds. Anything to distract me.

I hadn't realized I would be ruining it by bringing Alice.

She hadn't said a word during the drive here. My memory might be bad but the Alice I remember was hardly ever quiet.

I was just as silent as I got out of the car and began walking towards my spot. Alice followed silently. When we got to my spot we sat down in the grass, me with my back against a pine tree.

"Let's talk." I said to her.

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long. I had no idea how busy i would be. As for now I can't promise when I post the next chapter but as it is currently in the works I can assure you that it will be up before christmas. Thanks for sticking with me! Happy thanksgiving and don't forget to comment! :)**


	8. Meltdowns

**This is definently the fastest update i've had in a while. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>"Well. Where do we start?" Alice gave me an accusatory look. It was obvious in her tone that she didn't like what happened at the bar.<p>

Because I care so much.

"I'd rather not talk about me," I replied crossing my legs. I purposely avoided her eyes.

"Bella, I just want to know how you're doing. I was waiting at that godforsaken bar for five hours for you to show up-I don't know what appeal that bar has to you by the way- and as soon as you got there that stupid bartender took over. PS: I don't approve of your drinking." Her words came out in a rush but I only heard-or rather, I only paid attention to-her last sentence.

"Why the hell is everyone getting on my case today?" I yelled. A few birds flew out of the trees around me. Alice cowered so slightly that if I hadn't been paying attention I wouldn't have seen it. Normally that would stop me in my tracks and make me apologize but didn't this time. I was too busy seeing red to feel any remorse.

The eruption that ensued was a long time coming and completely unstoppable.

"I am sick and freakin tired of everyone getting on my back today! I don't need all of you to tell me I have a drinking problem. I. Already. Know. I don't need a bunch of people telling me how bad it is for me and all that bull because, I repeat, I. Already. Know. You all act like a bunch of pushy ass people who can't mind their own business. As cliché as it sounds, I can quit anytime I want to. I could care less if you believe me because I know I can. But do you know what the problem is? I DON'T WANT TO FREAKING QUIT! I have a lot of stress and, unlike everyone else, I have yet to find an outlet for it. Maybe when I do I'll wanna stop. But until then I will make a hell of a home in my bottle and everyone else will LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

As soon as I finished, it felt as though a giant weight had been lifted. I felt like I could run a marathon without getting tired. Like I could swim the English channel in no time flat. I felt like I could do anything I could possibly think of.

Too bad that only lasted about 60 seconds.

By the time it was over my breathing was almost back to normal from the yelling. I hadn't realized I was standing up until I sat back down involuntarily. I leaned my head back against the bark of the tree and sighed. The silence lasted about 5 minutes.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was being pushy," Alice said, her voice barely a whisper. She was looking at the ground, picking at blades of grass. Maybe I didn't feel remorse before but I did now. I moved closer to her and rapped my arms around her shoulder.

"Ali, I'm not mad at you. That has just been built up inside of me for a while. It wasn't aimed at you Ali, I promise." I squeezed her gently until she looked up at me. I smiled and moved back to my place against the tree. She returned the smile. "Now how about we talk about you. What have you been up to over the last three years?"

She immediately shot off into a long explanation about her investigation of her life as a human. Her face lit up as she told me about the sister she had named Cynthia and her niece in Biloxi. She went on to tell me about what the other Cullens had been up to recently. Emmett and Rosalie had moved to Africa and just moved back a few months ago. Carlisle was working nights at Ithaca and teaching part time at Cornell. Jasper had been studying philosophy at Cornell while Alice was doing her research. Esme was restoring a seventeenth century house north of the city.

Then there was- no use in the aversion to saying his name anymore- Edward.

Apparently he had spent a lot of his time in Rio and secluded himself from the rest of his family.

"He only comes home every few months," she said in a dismal voice. A thought occurred to me that made my stomach twist. I looked out at the water, yet again avoiding her eyes.

"Does he…" I took a deep breath. "Does Edward know you're here?"

There was a long pause and I turned back to see her staring at me intently. She ignored my question, instead choosing to stand up and offering her hand out to me. I took it, standing up next to her. She motioned towards the parking lot. We walked back to the car arm in arm.

"You know you look horrible right?" she asked me. I turned to her with my eyes narrowed.

"Alice."

"I mean, your eyes have bags, your skin is pale-"

"Alice."

"Just give me an hour with you and a bag full of MAC and you would look ama-"

"ALICE! SHUT UP!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

She immediately stopped talking and made the motion of zipping her lips and throwing the key over her shoulder.

* * *

><p>5 hours later we ended up back home in the dorm. We had spent the day driving around while I showed Alice my favorite places in Silicon Valley. We ate- I ate while Alice talked nonstop- at my favorite place in San Francisco. A buffalo burger with sweet potato fries from Pearl's Deluxe Burgers. Afterwards I bought a Mixed Berry Lattice pie from Three Babes Bakeshop on Folsom street and ate half of it as Alice drove up Van Ness. Alice bought $200 dollars-worth of knick-knacks from the Exploratorium after spending an hour with me tinkering with things throughout the exhibit. After going through Magowan's Infinite Mirror Maze we walked down Lombard Street. We parked by the ferry to Alcatraz and joked about the people who looked orange with their spray tans. Our day ended when we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge twice and walked around Golden Gate Park. The last thing we did was petting the parrots at the California Academy of Sciences. The sun didn't rear its ugly head once all day.<p>

Now we sat in the main room watching How I Met Your Mother.

I was just finishing my leftover pie when Becca walked in, Morgan came shortly after. Bex stopped in her tracks when she saw me on the couch. I set the pie on the table just as she ran over and enveloped me in a tight hug. I looked over at Alice to notice that she was no longer sitting next to me.

"Alice?"

"Bella we've been looking all over for you! Where were you all day?" Becca was exuding relief as she talked.

"Alice?" I repeated.

"You weren't in any of your classes and the bartender said you'd left earlier," Becca continued. Morgan was looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Alice!" I stood up shaking Becca off. I looked around the room and noticed that all the knick-knacks from today's adventure were gone. I frantically began flipping cushions, tossing pillows, and stifling through papers looking for them. I ran through all of the rooms while trying to maintain my sanity. When I came up empty handed I flopped back down on the couch and leaned my head against the wall in defeat. I felt like I was going crazy because I know she was sitting right next to me before they walked in.

I had just about zoned out when Becca snapped me back to reality.

"Bella, what is it? What were you looking for?"

I pulled my head off the wall and looked around again.

"Alice," I said to her.

"Who?" She replied, her eyebrows pulling together in question.

"Alice. She was just right here. She was sitting next to me." I was beginning to hyperventilate when Becca grabbed the sides of my face in her hands.

"Bella, listen to me. Bella calm down. Breathe." She looked me straight in the eyes. My breathing began to slow as she sat there with me. When she felt my breathing was back to its normal pace she dropped her hands.

I must have been losing my mind. I know for a fact that this whole day was not just a figment of my imagination. There is no way she just disappeared.

"She was just here," I said. A tear fell out of my eye involuntarily. I pointed to the spot where I was sure she had been sitting moments ago. "She was right. Here." I was almost sobbing in unbelief. Becca was visibly agitated.

"Bella! Who the hell is Alice!"

"She's his- his…" I threw my head into my hands fully sobbing now.

"His what?" Morgan asked this time. I looked up at both of them.

"His sister. Alice is Edward's sister."

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks Princess and Twilight Addict you helped and inspired me for the last chapter. If not for you guys this chapter would not be out yet. I promise to be back ASAP with the mext chapter. Comments really do motivate me!<strong>


	9. Crying Wolf

The silence in the room was deafening. Becca and Morgan exchanged a long look between each other as I put my head back into my hands. I squeezed my hands nearly pulling my hair out of my head. As I sat in my on world slowly losing it Becca and Morgan got up and walked into one of the bedrooms. I heard the door shut and the tears started up again.

I was not going crazy. Absolutely not. I was simply forgetting something.

_Maybe she had gotten up and left while I was watching the show. I mean, it's not like I was paying much attention._

But what about the $200 worth of knick-knacks from the museum?

I stood up and looked around the room once more, hoping I had simply overlooked them and they were sitting in plain sight. But there was nothing.

_Maybe she took them with her. Her own souvenirs of the day we spent together._

Yeah. That's what happened.

She got up and left while my face was buried in pie. She probably just bagged everything up and walked out of the door. That's exactly what happened.

As I was having my epiphany, Morgan walked out and stood in front of me

"Bella, why don't you go to bed?" she said. We walked into my room and she sat on the bed as I gathered my things for a shower. She was still there after I came out of the bathroom. She didn't say a word, she simply climbed up to the spot next to where I usually sleep and patted the bed next to her. I got in and lay under the cover by her. As soon as I was comfortable I looked up at her face. She was staring off into space.

"Morgan?" I asked timidly. She shook her self out of it and looked down at me. She raised her tiny eyebrows as if in question.

"You know I love you guys right? You're like my family." A small smile began to creep around the corners of her mouth.

"We know," she said. "You're our family too. You're like my crazy big sister who I know always has my back."

"Call me back patrol." I made the motion of a drill sergeant salute. We both laughed at my corny attempt at a joke. When our laughter died down we sat, content in our own worlds. The room was silent for a few moments before I spoke.

"Morgan?" asked again in the same timid voice. "Do you believe me? About Alice and all that?" I looked down at my hands where I was playing with my thumbs. There was a long pause causing me to look back up at Morgan's face. She was looking at me but her eyes seemed frustrated and her mouth was turned into a frown. My demeanor suddenly dropped as I realized that there was no reason for her to believe me.

"I'll take that as a no."

"Bella…" she looked as though she was torn between a rock and a hard place.

"It's fine," I said. "I'm really tired, I'm gonna go to sleep."

"Bella, it's not-"

"Goodnight." My tone made it clear that I was done talking. She climbed down onto the floor and padded lightly across the floor. When she got to the doorway she stopped and turned around towards me.

"Bella…"

"Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite." I turned over so that back was facing her.

"Goodnight Bella," she said quietly. I heard the door close behind her and I rolled over onto my back.

I have no clue how long I laid there staring at the ceiling. I had a lot on my mind with one thought taking over all else.

_Did I just imagine all of today and if not what happened to Alice?_

Needless to say, it was hours before I finally fell asleep.


	10. Vivid Imagination

The sweet smell of cinnamon rolls roused me out of my sleep the next morning. I opened my eyes to see a bag from Cinnabon and was temporarily lost in the moment.

At that point I remembered all of the events of the previous day. I considered going back to sleep and not waking up but something told me that my roomates wouldn't allow it.

The clock on my nightstand read 9:30. I sat up on the edge of the bed and reached for the brown paper bag. As I looked inside I saw a godsend in the giant Cinnabon sitting in the bag. I wanted to thank whichever one of them brought me breakfast so I got up and walked to the living room. They weren't there or in their rooms so I gave up looking and returned to my room, Cinnabon in hand. I sat on my bed and was just digging in as I heard a small knock on my door.

"Open the door Bella."

I got up and opened the door to see my pixie standing on the other side. She was smiling like she was in on some big secret and I wasn't.

"Good morning! "How are you this morning?" she asked happily.

If I was speechless when I saw her yesterday then I was dumbfounded now.

"Well, I'm fine thanks for asking," she said with sarcasm. She pushed past me and plopped down on my bed. She rolled around for a second before sitting up on her elbows and staring at me with an excited expression. "So what's on today's agenda?"

I was still speechless as I stood there looking at her in awe. I squeezed my eyes shut, counted to 5, and opened them again and saw that she was still there.

So I wasn't imagining her. I knew my imagination wasn't that vivid. She really was here now, therefor she must have been here yesterday.

"Hello… earth to Bella." Her voice brought me out of my thought as she snapped her fingers in front of my face. I was suddenly no longer speechless.

"What happened yesterday?"

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"What happened yesterday? One minute you were sitting right next to me and the next you and all of our souvenirs from yesterday were gone. What. Happened?" I was serious and she knew it, I could tell by her expression.

She was silent for a moment before she spoke. When she did she looked directly into my eyes.

"I'm not supposed to be here Bella. I promised I would leave you alone but…" She looked down as if the carpet was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

"Promised who?" I asked in a slightly more demanding tone then I had planned on. Before I could apologize she was on her feet with a smile plastered on her face.

It was unsettling to say the least.

"Answer me Alice."

She began to sweep around the room pretending to pay attention to all the knick-knacks I had around the room but I could tell she was avoiding me.

"Well, I'm leaving."

I sat up to get off the bed and as soon as my feet touched the ground she grabbed my hand. She stood in front of me, staring deep into my eyes. Her eyes were filled with a sadness I probably would never understand. It took all the protest out of me.

"I just don't want to see you hurt, Bella." Her voice is full of a deep emotion I can't begin to understand.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"I want to make sure you're okay."

"You aren't making any sense." Was it just me or was she speaking in code? We stood there for another moment or two before I decided to let the subject drop.

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll let it go for now, but I will find out eventually."

Immediately her face brightened and I was positive she only paid attention to the first part. Her plastered smile was back but it had a more realistic touch to it. She turned around and pranced out of the room as though nothing had happened.

"If you would not dress like a slob today I would be very much appreciative. We've got plans that don't involve ratty sweats," she called over her shoulder.

I scoffed to myself. Only Alice could go from a deep, almost heartfelt moment to a to mocking me about clothes in less than a second.

* * *

><p>20 minutes later I walked out into the living room freshly showered in jeans, a t-shirt, and converse. They were clean and it was definitely an upgrade from my normal attire.<p>

Alice was going through old albums on my laptop. Coming up behind her I could see that they were pictures from the beginning of freshman year. A photo of Bex, Morgan, Me, and a few other people when we pulled our first all-nighter for midterms came up. We all looked intoxicated from sleep deprivation making me laugh. Alice turned around to look at me.

"Good memory?" she asked.

"Yea. That was when I discovered how difficult it is to pull an all-nighter without caffeine and sugar."

"You seemed a lot happier then."

"Well," I sighed, "it was easy to find distractions then." She turned back to the screen and stared at the picture more before closing the computer. She stood up so that we were face to face.

"I guess this will do." She said as she appraised my outfit of choice.

"For what?" I said picking up my bag.

"For the special surprise I have for you, Bella." She smiled at me.

If I'd only known what she meant by surprise.

**A/N: Thanks for those of you who are sticking with me. I know it might seem like I've given up on this story but I haven't. I refuse to. So just bare with me.**


	11. Temporary Break

**A/N: I'm sad to be writing this but I am putting sideways on hold. I have spent countless hours trying to produce a chapter worthy of presenting you guys and though it's almost there it just isn't yet. Therefore, I have decided to release my new story in hopes that it will hold you over until sideways gets the well needed kick to be finished( and believe me it has some chapters to go!). I admire those of you who start writing and the rest just comes to you but sadly I am not one of those people. Believe me when I say I have become very attached to Sideways which is why I can't just give you any old bullshit. Please, please, please don't hate me. I really am trying my hardest for the next chapter. Hopefully this "hold" won't last very long and my writers block will end so I can bring you the next few chapters and hopefully finish it. Have faith in me because it will be finished. I love all my readers and hopefully you will enjoy the story I am writing as a distraction until sideways resumes. Thank you all SO MUCH!**


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